how can u be prego again
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
try to milk me bitch
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
