saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
