I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
