I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
