Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
