she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
