My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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