My liver just broke up with me...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
