oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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