Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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