Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
