i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You are the jesus of drinking
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
