Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
