How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
