I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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