I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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