youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
