why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
