no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
