I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
