Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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