At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
