First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
