this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
