It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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