I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
