I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
