All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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