Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
