we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
