awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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