Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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