so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
