I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
