Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
