I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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