you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
