I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
