We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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