i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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