Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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