I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
