I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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