I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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