Don't make out with my wife yet
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
