So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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