You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
