so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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