Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
