suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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