3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
