I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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