Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
