my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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