I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize