I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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