i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We're too hungover to prance.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
