I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
