you didnt know i had herpes?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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