Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
