I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Randomize
