32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
