This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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