after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
