I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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