Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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