that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
