Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
