If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
