Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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