I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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