the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
