Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
