Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
