ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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