Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
