i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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