my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
