My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
