I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
