First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize