It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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