The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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