you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That accounts for only three of the penises
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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