i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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