Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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